#TheFashionForwardWriter: Frocks for the RITA Red Carpet
Jennifer Rae is swooning over the fabulous frocks that have been making it out and about, to provide you with some inspiration for the RITA red carpet in this month's #TheFashionForwardWriter!
As I wipe the last crusty bit of drool from my mouth after poring over photos of the celebs at Cannes last month, my thoughts turn to all the deserving authors about grace the ballroom for the Romance Writers awards nights.
Now - let’s face it. Not many of us can afford a super-cool stylist to source that perfect, custom made gown that will send the papps in a frenzy. Come to think of it...the lack of papps kind of makes that a bit redundant. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t dress to impress for the millions of selfies we plan to take with each other.
Our industry award night is much anticipated, a chance to frock up, drink too much, rock out and catch up with (or in my case indulge in some major fan-girling with) friends and fellow authors.
And if one must make a fool of themselves in front of people they admire and respect, one must look fabulous. Them’s the rules.
How then do we look the aforementioned ‘fabulous.’ Let’s be honest, while there may certainly be a few freaks of nature above us reigning 6 foot tall and possessing the figure of Miranda Kerr - most of us have lumps, bumps and many other affectionately loved bits left over from pregnancy, long-forgotten exercise regimes and last nights extra slice of apple pie. I say body size should not restrict our fabulousness. Wear what makes you feel amazing. Drop the dress off the shoulders, get the girls out, let the thigh high split free (although I must say I draw the line at ‘side-vag’ - it’s a thing, google it.) But even if you’re into that, wear it. Awards nights are all about celebrating you as an author. So I say celebrate in whatever style makes you feel at your most amazing.
If you want to stay on-trend though, I have compiled a ‘lil list cause I know how much you guys just love my lists...
Following is a list of the top seven trends gracing red carpets at the moment...according to me. So of course it’s highly scientific and should be followed to the letter. I shall be marking you all out of ten on the night on your gowns. Just jokes, I’ll probably be drunk and passed out by 9.30...I don’t get out much ;)
Bling
Bling was a massive trend this awards season. Bling errywhere. And I mean errywhere. Ears, necks, shoes, frocks...the bling could be seen from space. I love bling. If you don’t love bling we cannot be BFF’s. Even if it’s the week before your period and you feel fat and frumpy and that no one loves you and the earth will soon be destroyed by climate change so what does it all matter because you’re fat anyway...bling is there to save the day. Swathe your body in head to toe black if you like. All you need to do is get the biggest, most fabulous pair of fuck-off earrings, stick ‘em on your head and voila. You’re fabulous sweetie darling.
Old Hollywood Glam
Yawn. I hear you say. Sarcastically. Rolling your eyes at the trend that never seems to make it out the door. Move on. Pass. Can we please see something else. No! Goddamn it! We can’t. And I tell you why. There’s a reason every teenage girl in the whole entire-d world has a pic of Marilyn Monroe on her wall. Old Hollywood Glamour is just so bloody pretty. Me wants it. Me wants to look like that. Even if me looks stupid. Me wants to be pretty. So, I say go forth and be pretty. Classic styling, gowns that you have to be sewn into, perfect 40’s waves in your hair and a killer red lip. Get amongst that shit.
Underwear as Outerwear
Not for the feint hearted. Also probs not for the lass who isn’t god-damn proud of every inch of her bod. I don’t hate this trend. Ok, maybe I do a little - but it’s fun. Letting everyone see your daks is kinda empowering. Like - here’s my daks...so what? Having said that, I would absolutely, 100% never ever in a million years wear a dress that showed my daks. But it’s fun to look at :)
White
I’m including this category simply because I went into a shop one day looking for a ballgown and it happened to be sexy week. You know, the week your bloated stomach goes down. You go get your hair did, perhaps a little spray tan. You’re feelin yoself. I waltzed in, declaring I was looking for A Gown For The Ball!! Bring me your finest peasants, I clapped. They bought out a white frock. I tried it on, twirled in the special dimmed lights and skinny mirrors - declared myself as beautiful as Blake Lively and as bootylicious as Beyonce and bought it on the spot. Of course that damn dress has never seen the light of day. Who wears a white ball gown? Brides, that’s who. Just to be clear - I am not a bride. So anyway, white is in ya’ll. Also I have a never-worn white gown for sale if anyone is interested.
Bat Shit Cray
Let’s face it, everyone’s favourite category. One day I’ll wear something Bat Shit Cray (or as we in the biz like to call it BSC.) This is the type of gown you wear when you win your 8th Oscar. You’ve done the pretty thing, the Old Hollywood Glam thing - heck it - you’ve even done white. What’s left? Time to let that crazy shine baby. One day...when I win my 8th Romance Writing Award, (Or my first...but who's counting?) I’ll wear something so Bat Shit Cray, ya’ll are gonna have me committed. Yay. At least then I won’t have to yell at my son 64 times every morning to get his shoes on and get to school. Serenity now. Bring on the BSC, I say.
I Seriously Give Zero Fucks Right Now Cause I Look Fierce AF
I apologize for the double swear in this sentence. But sometimes a gal’s just gotta fuck twice. The ladies in this gallery have decided they are who they are, they like who they are and they know they have nailed the shit out of it. They therefore care zero for the critics and whatever they have to say. I love these women. These women are my spirit animals. Behold their amazingness.
My Aussie Fam
I’ve included this category as I am seriously digging what’s happening in the land of Australian fashion design right now. Whatever they’re smoking, they should keep smokin it. The pieces are fabulous and expressive and these are the actual items you can pick up and wear to our little romance awards without re-mortgaging the house (expect if you choose the J’Aton - you’re going to have to have a serious discussion with your bank manager about that) but in here is a collection of frocks, separates and even a beautiful Spell duster jacket to throw over that LBD (or L WHITE D...price is slashed on a fabulous gown, just as an aside reminder for you gals). Take a gander at these designers and tell me they’re not amazing. I dare ya.
So there you have it. Jennifer Rae’s list of the Top 7 trends on the Red Carpet. Now go forth and be fashionable. Or, wear whatever you bloody like and feel amazingly proud of yourself that you wrote a book and take the time to pause and celebrate your wonderful achievements. Good luck to all the award nominees for this year’s awards. I think you’re all gorgeous, beautiful and amazing people who should be celebrated, no matter what you wear...
Show Us Your Frocks!
Do you have a favourite outfit for the RITAs? Share your dresses with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!
Jennifer's latest release, The Hotel Magnate's Demand, is out now. For more information about her and her writing, follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
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